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Tuesday, October 15, 2013

I thought I had moved on (miscarriage related)


I lost our baby at the end of July. I was 10 weeks but the baby had passed away at 7/8 weeks. I actually wrote all about here.

I thought I had mourned, and moved on the best that I could.
I think I was wrong.
There are 7 women I know that found out they were pregnant around the same time we did. 

They are all still pregnant and I have been able to be happy for all of them but 2.
There are 2 girls that both just found out what they are having and have jammed my news feed on FB full of how much they love their son/daughter. I can handle that.
What I cannot handle is how they are CONSTANTLY complaining about EVERYTHING. Even the fact that they are pregnant.
They complain about being uncomfortable, getting fat, not being able to party and about how much they need a break from their other kids.

I cannot help but feel so goddamn angry at them.
I know there is a trace of jealousy that these awful Mothers are getting babies and I lost ours.
These women are getting something that they take for granted and I'm scared to try again.
I just want to scream at them but I know it wouldn't do any good and if one of them tried to start drama with me I'd probably lose my shit.
I'm terrified to try again for another baby right now.

We've decided to wait till after the wedding next year before we try for another baby. I'm hoping I'm not still scared by then.