Monday, August 5, 2013

Closing this Chapter of our Lives and Moving Forward. Part 2. (Graphic and Swearing)

Continued from Part 1

 Once I again I am typing out our story to share it with the women that have the awful misfortune to go through something like this.
When we found out that we lost our baby I scored the internet for info on the different types of miscarriages to get a better understanding and to make a more informed decision. I hope this helps.

 (Wednesday July 31st.)
We decided to go with a dose of Misoprostol (cytotec) inserted vaginally O.o (that was uncomfortable and awkward with HB in the room. Not like its anything new for him. He watched Kai be born.)

She told us that it probably wouldn't do much for a couple hours and that it would take full effect in the morning. >.< Oh Joy I thought no sleep!
Everything was put in around 2:30.
I mentioned pain management and her response was that I should be ok with just Tylenol but that she would leave a note for the On Call Midwife if I decided I needed something stronger. She thought I'd be fine since I had Kai drug free and natural.

We were hungry so we hit a McDonald's on the way home. I had sworn off their food 6 months ago and eating there this time reminded me why. ICK!
30 minutes later the cramping started. Naturally right as we're stuck at a light with power lines down :P

I started bleeding heavier when we got home. I switched to the long over night heavy Kotex pads.
I was feeling pretty good til about 7pm when they started feeling more like contractions and I couldn't stand up straight.
I caved and called the Midwife. She called in a script for me right away to the local Walgreen's for HB to pick up. I waited the longest 45 minutes EVER and then called to make sure the script was ready and that HB could pick it up. The girl that answered the phone was incredible rude and informed me that they were out and I would have to wait 2 DAYS.
I didn't have the energy to argue or be snide. I just hung up on her and called the Midwife back. She was livid that they treated me like that and that they didn't tell her they were out when she called it in.
I was very lucky that my Mom has a pain med script for her back problem. I told the midwife "I know you cannot recommend taking meds that aren't mine but could I do this for some relief?"
Her response was great. "You're right I can't but I can say this... If I was your Mom I'd give it to you."

It helped a little. My body started passing some pretty large clots but it was about the same as after Kai was born.
My body held off till we put Kai to bed and then I shut myself in the bathroom after there was a large gush of blood that filled my pad.
I passed more clots and got up only to double over in pain. I was on the verge of yelling for HB because of the pain when I felt something "drop" into my vaginal canal. It was the strangest feeling I've ever experienced.
I immediately sat down on the toilet and gave a little push. It dropped into the water. The pain ended almost instantly. It was shocking how fast it ended.
I couldn't see because the water was extremely bloody.
I couldn't help my curiousity and I wanted to make sure I knew what had passed. I got a chopstick and fished around. I didn't touch it or pull it completely from the water.
I had passed the sac intact. It looked like a Jelly fish for lack of a better comparison. I never saw a fetus or anything of that sort.
I had a few more strong cramps and some more tissue came out then I was done. I bled heavily for about an hour and right before I panicked it stopped.
I was done by 1am.
We went to bed and I slept on a towel to save our sheets.
The next day I didn't feel so hot so we stayed home.
Friday my lower back hurt some more and I passed another chunk of tissue about the size of a walnut.
As of today (Monday August 5) I am pain free and have pretty much stopped bleeding.
I am at peace with everything and know this was for the best.
I have to go in for blood work once a week till my numbers go down to non-pregnant levels and then we can try for another baby :D

Couple things to note. 

1.I am incredibly sorry if you've gone through something like this :(  
2. Make the choices your comfortable with! Don't let anyone force you to do anything.
3. Its a good idea to make a list of Blood Type, Allergies, Medications and dosages, medical conditions etc so if something happens you can give whoever the list of info.
4. Every instance is different. It took my friend 2 weeks to mc naturally.
5. Everyone copes differently.

If you have any questions please comment with them and I'll answer the best I can.

Closing this Chapter of our lives and Moving Forward. Part 1 (Graphic and swearing.)

I am writing out my miscarriage story because when I was trying to find info about it during my week long wait there wasn't hardly any accounts on a Natural MC.

We found out the morning of the 25th that our baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks (3 wks before.)
I was beyond heart broken and so fucking mad at the world for the entire weekend.
I went to my Midwife appointment later that day with a broken heart. I felt so cheated on what was suppose to be an exciting day of hearing the baby's heartbeat had turned to ash as we discussed how to proceed from there in ending the pregnancy.
Looking back I realize we very lucky with my care providers. Everyone expressed their sympathies to us and the the midwife even hugged me.
We decided to wait and see if my body would take care of everything since I had been spotting that morning. I wanted go the most natural route possible and leave the DNC as the last option. I'm scared of being put under and really don't like IV's.
I made an appointment for the following Wednesday since the midwife was concerned about an infection setting in since it had been so long since the baby passed away.

Little did I know in deciding to wait that my body would wait til the very last minute to figure out what was going on.
The weekend was hard.
I cried most of Friday and Saturday. I actually think it did a lot of good. I allowed myself to mourn deeply and Charles stayed by my side the whole time. I know he mourned in his own way but I don't think I can ever thank him enough for being my Rock.
Kai was a little sweet heart and cuddled with me a lot.
My parents helped a lot too. I was very fortunate to have a great support system. Even HB's Mom helped by giving us money so I didn't have to cook dinner a couple nights. I couldn't focus at all. I was completely scattered in about a million different directions.
I felt so many different things at once it was so insane and intense.
I was angry, enraged, pissed off, heart broken, crushed, disappointed and drained.
Sunday was HB's day off and we spent it all cuddled up in our bed with Kai watching movies. I slept a lot and cried a little. Kai and HB smothered me in love.
Monday I wake up feeling renewed and at peace with what had happened.
Charlie and I had talked a lot about what could have happened and if we wanted to consider testing or just keep on the path we chose.
We decided that this time we would let nature take over. If we have the misfortune to go through this again we'll opt for more testing.
We know that it was nothing to do with me. My blood work came back perfect.
 So it was really just one of those freak awful things.
We both agreed that if something had been really wrong with the baby that this was the best rather then lose the baby later on in the pregnancy after we had bonded more with it or to have actually carried the baby to term and the baby either not make it or be very sick having no quality of life.

I had some random cramps over the weekend and beginning of the week but no bleeding or anything. It was really fucking annoying. I was scared to go anywhere and I felt like a time bomb.

By Tuesday I am done with the whole waiting thing and seriously considering the DNC route because I can't take it anymore.
I just want this awful chapter over with so we can move forward

Tuesday night after Kai went to bed I am sitting on the couch stressing to Charlie about how I'm worried and scared about what the midwife will suggest at our appointment the following day. Suddenly my lower back starts to cramp just like it does with my period. Nothing to painful just uncomfortable. That goes on for a couple hours and I tell HB that if I am going to be in pain I wish it was productive. I no sooner say those words when I feel a gush. I rush to the bathroom and my shorts are soaked with blood. I freak a little but calm myself down right away.
Thank goodness we ran to Walmart earlier that day to get pads and stuff because I was nervous about how I would feel the rest of the week after my appointment.
I washed up, changed my bottoms and put on a pad. But the bleeding stopped an hour later right before bed! I'm WTH is going on here, body? Get with the program!
I started bleeding again in the shower before my appointment and had some subtle cramping.
I was really surprised again at everyone's sympathy at the clinic even the medical assistant expressed her sympathies to us.
I was so relieved that my body wasn't broken just a little slow.
The midwife agreed that the meds would be the best next step for us to just help my body along.