Continued from Part 1
Once I again I am typing out our story to share it with the women that have the awful misfortune to go through something like this.
When we found out that we lost our baby I scored the internet for info on the different types of miscarriages to get a better understanding and to make a more informed decision. I hope this helps.
(Wednesday July 31st.)
We decided to go with a dose of Misoprostol (cytotec) inserted vaginally O.o (that was uncomfortable and awkward with HB in the room. Not like its anything new for him. He watched Kai be born.)
She told us that it probably wouldn't do much for a couple hours and that it would take full effect in the morning. >.< Oh Joy I thought no sleep!
Everything was put in around 2:30.
I mentioned pain management and her response was that I should be ok with just Tylenol but that she would leave a note for the On Call Midwife if I decided I needed something stronger. She thought I'd be fine since I had Kai drug free and natural.
We were hungry so we hit a McDonald's on the way home. I had sworn off their food 6 months ago and eating there this time reminded me why. ICK!
30 minutes later the cramping started. Naturally right as we're stuck at a light with power lines down :P
I started bleeding heavier when we got home. I switched to the long over night heavy Kotex pads.
I was feeling pretty good til about 7pm when they started feeling more like contractions and I couldn't stand up straight.
I caved and called the Midwife. She called in a script for me right away to the local Walgreen's for HB to pick up. I waited the longest 45 minutes EVER and then called to make sure the script was ready and that HB could pick it up. The girl that answered the phone was incredible rude and informed me that they were out and I would have to wait 2 DAYS.
I didn't have the energy to argue or be snide. I just hung up on her and called the Midwife back. She was livid that they treated me like that and that they didn't tell her they were out when she called it in.
I was very lucky that my Mom has a pain med script for her back problem. I told the midwife "I know you cannot recommend taking meds that aren't mine but could I do this for some relief?"
Her response was great. "You're right I can't but I can say this... If I was your Mom I'd give it to you."
It helped a little. My body started passing some pretty large clots but it was about the same as after Kai was born.
My body held off till we put Kai to bed and then I shut myself in the bathroom after there was a large gush of blood that filled my pad.
I passed more clots and got up only to double over in pain. I was on the verge of yelling for HB because of the pain when I felt something "drop" into my vaginal canal. It was the strangest feeling I've ever experienced.
I immediately sat down on the toilet and gave a little push. It dropped into the water. The pain ended almost instantly. It was shocking how fast it ended.
I couldn't see because the water was extremely bloody.
I couldn't help my curiousity and I wanted to make sure I knew what had passed. I got a chopstick and fished around. I didn't touch it or pull it completely from the water.
I had passed the sac intact. It looked like a Jelly fish for lack of a better comparison. I never saw a fetus or anything of that sort.
I had a few more strong cramps and some more tissue came out then I was done. I bled heavily for about an hour and right before I panicked it stopped.
I was done by 1am.
We went to bed and I slept on a towel to save our sheets.
The next day I didn't feel so hot so we stayed home.
Friday my lower back hurt some more and I passed another chunk of tissue about the size of a walnut.
As of today (Monday August 5) I am pain free and have pretty much stopped bleeding.
I am at peace with everything and know this was for the best.
I have to go in for blood work once a week till my numbers go down to non-pregnant levels and then we can try for another baby :D
Couple things to note.
1.I am incredibly sorry if you've gone through something like this :(
2. Make the choices your comfortable with! Don't let anyone force you to do anything.
3. Its a good idea to make a list of Blood Type, Allergies, Medications and dosages, medical conditions etc so if something happens you can give whoever the list of info.
4. Every instance is different. It took my friend 2 weeks to mc naturally.
5. Everyone copes differently.
If you have any questions please comment with them and I'll answer the best I can.
The daily adventures Kai, her Mommy Kat and Daddy Charlie (HB). They spend their days exploring the city they live in, experimenting with arts and crafts, and tackling raising an independent 4 year old. Kat is also an artist both on paper and skin. Charlie spends his days figuring out what everyone is crying about and wondering where in the hell all this glitter came from.
Monday, August 5, 2013
Closing this Chapter of our lives and Moving Forward. Part 1 (Graphic and swearing.)
I am writing out my miscarriage story because when I was trying to find info about it during my week long wait there wasn't hardly any accounts on a Natural MC.
We found out the morning of the 25th that our baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks (3 wks before.)
I was beyond heart broken and so fucking mad at the world for the entire weekend.
I went to my Midwife appointment later that day with a broken heart. I felt so cheated on what was suppose to be an exciting day of hearing the baby's heartbeat had turned to ash as we discussed how to proceed from there in ending the pregnancy.
Looking back I realize we very lucky with my care providers. Everyone expressed their sympathies to us and the the midwife even hugged me.
We decided to wait and see if my body would take care of everything since I had been spotting that morning. I wanted go the most natural route possible and leave the DNC as the last option. I'm scared of being put under and really don't like IV's.
I made an appointment for the following Wednesday since the midwife was concerned about an infection setting in since it had been so long since the baby passed away.
Little did I know in deciding to wait that my body would wait til the very last minute to figure out what was going on.
The weekend was hard.
I cried most of Friday and Saturday. I actually think it did a lot of good. I allowed myself to mourn deeply and Charles stayed by my side the whole time. I know he mourned in his own way but I don't think I can ever thank him enough for being my Rock.
Kai was a little sweet heart and cuddled with me a lot.
My parents helped a lot too. I was very fortunate to have a great support system. Even HB's Mom helped by giving us money so I didn't have to cook dinner a couple nights. I couldn't focus at all. I was completely scattered in about a million different directions.
I felt so many different things at once it was so insane and intense.
I was angry, enraged, pissed off, heart broken, crushed, disappointed and drained.
Sunday was HB's day off and we spent it all cuddled up in our bed with Kai watching movies. I slept a lot and cried a little. Kai and HB smothered me in love.
Monday I wake up feeling renewed and at peace with what had happened.
Charlie and I had talked a lot about what could have happened and if we wanted to consider testing or just keep on the path we chose.
We decided that this time we would let nature take over. If we have the misfortune to go through this again we'll opt for more testing.
We know that it was nothing to do with me. My blood work came back perfect.
So it was really just one of those freak awful things.
We both agreed that if something had been really wrong with the baby that this was the best rather then lose the baby later on in the pregnancy after we had bonded more with it or to have actually carried the baby to term and the baby either not make it or be very sick having no quality of life.
I had some random cramps over the weekend and beginning of the week but no bleeding or anything. It was really fucking annoying. I was scared to go anywhere and I felt like a time bomb.
By Tuesday I am done with the whole waiting thing and seriously considering the DNC route because I can't take it anymore.
I just want this awful chapter over with so we can move forward
Tuesday night after Kai went to bed I am sitting on the couch stressing to Charlie about how I'm worried and scared about what the midwife will suggest at our appointment the following day. Suddenly my lower back starts to cramp just like it does with my period. Nothing to painful just uncomfortable. That goes on for a couple hours and I tell HB that if I am going to be in pain I wish it was productive. I no sooner say those words when I feel a gush. I rush to the bathroom and my shorts are soaked with blood. I freak a little but calm myself down right away.
Thank goodness we ran to Walmart earlier that day to get pads and stuff because I was nervous about how I would feel the rest of the week after my appointment.
I washed up, changed my bottoms and put on a pad. But the bleeding stopped an hour later right before bed! I'm WTH is going on here, body? Get with the program!
I started bleeding again in the shower before my appointment and had some subtle cramping.
I was really surprised again at everyone's sympathy at the clinic even the medical assistant expressed her sympathies to us.
I was so relieved that my body wasn't broken just a little slow.
The midwife agreed that the meds would be the best next step for us to just help my body along.
We found out the morning of the 25th that our baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks (3 wks before.)
I was beyond heart broken and so fucking mad at the world for the entire weekend.
I went to my Midwife appointment later that day with a broken heart. I felt so cheated on what was suppose to be an exciting day of hearing the baby's heartbeat had turned to ash as we discussed how to proceed from there in ending the pregnancy.
Looking back I realize we very lucky with my care providers. Everyone expressed their sympathies to us and the the midwife even hugged me.
We decided to wait and see if my body would take care of everything since I had been spotting that morning. I wanted go the most natural route possible and leave the DNC as the last option. I'm scared of being put under and really don't like IV's.
I made an appointment for the following Wednesday since the midwife was concerned about an infection setting in since it had been so long since the baby passed away.
Little did I know in deciding to wait that my body would wait til the very last minute to figure out what was going on.
The weekend was hard.
I cried most of Friday and Saturday. I actually think it did a lot of good. I allowed myself to mourn deeply and Charles stayed by my side the whole time. I know he mourned in his own way but I don't think I can ever thank him enough for being my Rock.
Kai was a little sweet heart and cuddled with me a lot.
My parents helped a lot too. I was very fortunate to have a great support system. Even HB's Mom helped by giving us money so I didn't have to cook dinner a couple nights. I couldn't focus at all. I was completely scattered in about a million different directions.
I felt so many different things at once it was so insane and intense.
I was angry, enraged, pissed off, heart broken, crushed, disappointed and drained.
Sunday was HB's day off and we spent it all cuddled up in our bed with Kai watching movies. I slept a lot and cried a little. Kai and HB smothered me in love.
Monday I wake up feeling renewed and at peace with what had happened.
Charlie and I had talked a lot about what could have happened and if we wanted to consider testing or just keep on the path we chose.
We decided that this time we would let nature take over. If we have the misfortune to go through this again we'll opt for more testing.
We know that it was nothing to do with me. My blood work came back perfect.
So it was really just one of those freak awful things.
We both agreed that if something had been really wrong with the baby that this was the best rather then lose the baby later on in the pregnancy after we had bonded more with it or to have actually carried the baby to term and the baby either not make it or be very sick having no quality of life.
I had some random cramps over the weekend and beginning of the week but no bleeding or anything. It was really fucking annoying. I was scared to go anywhere and I felt like a time bomb.
By Tuesday I am done with the whole waiting thing and seriously considering the DNC route because I can't take it anymore.
I just want this awful chapter over with so we can move forward
Tuesday night after Kai went to bed I am sitting on the couch stressing to Charlie about how I'm worried and scared about what the midwife will suggest at our appointment the following day. Suddenly my lower back starts to cramp just like it does with my period. Nothing to painful just uncomfortable. That goes on for a couple hours and I tell HB that if I am going to be in pain I wish it was productive. I no sooner say those words when I feel a gush. I rush to the bathroom and my shorts are soaked with blood. I freak a little but calm myself down right away.
Thank goodness we ran to Walmart earlier that day to get pads and stuff because I was nervous about how I would feel the rest of the week after my appointment.
I washed up, changed my bottoms and put on a pad. But the bleeding stopped an hour later right before bed! I'm WTH is going on here, body? Get with the program!
I started bleeding again in the shower before my appointment and had some subtle cramping.
I was really surprised again at everyone's sympathy at the clinic even the medical assistant expressed her sympathies to us.
I was so relieved that my body wasn't broken just a little slow.
The midwife agreed that the meds would be the best next step for us to just help my body along.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Heart broken pregnancy loss (there is swearing)
I am beyond heart broken that I am having to make this blog post. It seems like I no sooner announced our pregnancy and now I am having to post that we lost it.
This is my first miscarriage and I pray to god its my last.
I made it to 10 weeks.
Thursday morning at 1am I had a stabbing pain by my left hip and I started spotting bright red blood. I immediately panicked because this had never happened with our daughter's pregnancy.
We headed to the ER I thought just to ease my mind. I think I was deluding myself.
After a urine test, 4 vials of blood and an extensive ultrasound we found out that our baby had no heart beat and had stopped growing 3 weeks ago.
All I could do was cry. We were very lucky to have a very understanding and compassionate Dr and Nurse.
I went in later Thursday and saw one of the midwives. We decided to try the natural route first to see if my body will take care of it. I scheduled an appointment for next Wednesday because the Midwife is worried about infection setting in.
If nothing happens by Wednesday I will probably be doing a DNC.
I'm terrified of surgery but this waiting is driving me insane. I'm afraid to go anywhere because I'm worried I'll start cramping or bleeding all over the place.
I just want this whole ordeal done with.
I'm so lucky HB has been a rock for me and so understanding.
I can't help but feel like I have failed him some how by losing his baby.
I'm so FUCKING angry and hurt and depressed. I feel like my body has failed me and I'm so pissed off at it.
I hate this whole fucking ordeal. I hate that I have to explain to Kai that she's not going to be a Big Sister anymore. She is sad and doesn't understand. She thinks its something she did.
I'm even more irate at the fact that I know women right now that are either pregnant or just had babies that they care nothing about. They don't want them, don't really care about them, use them for money either from the state or multiple Baby Daddies, use them for attention till they are no longer babies and then they don't care what they do.
Our baby even though it was a surprise was wanted and loved from the minute we knew about it. It would have been safe and cared for yet we're the ones that get to leave the hospital with empty arms and broken hearts.
I feel like a ticking time bomb waiting for my body to do what its suppose to.
I have so many emotions running through me right now that I feel like I might explode into a million pieces.
Whats even more insane is that when I had to post on my FB that we lost the baby the out pouring of support and I had no idea I knew so many women that went through a miscarriage. Its so crazy that no one talks about something so that is sadly so common.
Thankfully HB has said that once I get a clean bill of health that we can actually try for a baby.
This is my first miscarriage and I pray to god its my last.
I made it to 10 weeks.
Thursday morning at 1am I had a stabbing pain by my left hip and I started spotting bright red blood. I immediately panicked because this had never happened with our daughter's pregnancy.
We headed to the ER I thought just to ease my mind. I think I was deluding myself.
After a urine test, 4 vials of blood and an extensive ultrasound we found out that our baby had no heart beat and had stopped growing 3 weeks ago.
All I could do was cry. We were very lucky to have a very understanding and compassionate Dr and Nurse.
I went in later Thursday and saw one of the midwives. We decided to try the natural route first to see if my body will take care of it. I scheduled an appointment for next Wednesday because the Midwife is worried about infection setting in.
If nothing happens by Wednesday I will probably be doing a DNC.
I'm terrified of surgery but this waiting is driving me insane. I'm afraid to go anywhere because I'm worried I'll start cramping or bleeding all over the place.
I just want this whole ordeal done with.
I'm so lucky HB has been a rock for me and so understanding.
I can't help but feel like I have failed him some how by losing his baby.
I'm so FUCKING angry and hurt and depressed. I feel like my body has failed me and I'm so pissed off at it.
I hate this whole fucking ordeal. I hate that I have to explain to Kai that she's not going to be a Big Sister anymore. She is sad and doesn't understand. She thinks its something she did.
I'm even more irate at the fact that I know women right now that are either pregnant or just had babies that they care nothing about. They don't want them, don't really care about them, use them for money either from the state or multiple Baby Daddies, use them for attention till they are no longer babies and then they don't care what they do.
Our baby even though it was a surprise was wanted and loved from the minute we knew about it. It would have been safe and cared for yet we're the ones that get to leave the hospital with empty arms and broken hearts.
I feel like a ticking time bomb waiting for my body to do what its suppose to.
I have so many emotions running through me right now that I feel like I might explode into a million pieces.
Whats even more insane is that when I had to post on my FB that we lost the baby the out pouring of support and I had no idea I knew so many women that went through a miscarriage. Its so crazy that no one talks about something so that is sadly so common.
Thankfully HB has said that once I get a clean bill of health that we can actually try for a baby.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Mommy Dates, The Conjuring and Minions
I know date nights with Daddy are important but so are Mommy dates with other Mommies. I don't go out to often without Kai. For many reasons the main ones being...
1. We don't go out much. We're homebodies and stopped partying when we decided to become parents. We'd rather spend time together. We go out once a year for our Birthdays. They are only 3 weeks apart so we do it together.
2. I feel like I'm missing a limb without her and I usually enjoy taking her places. Everyone has a day where they would rather not take their child shopping or on other errands with them.
3. I don't really have anyone I trust to babysit besides my parents and In laws (they live in a different town). My Dad still works and my mom has health problems. Plus I know they have lives outside of me and my family.
4. We like doing things as a family. When we actually have the time to. We took Kai to see Despicable Me 2 yesterday. SO CUTE! I love the Minions. Kai says she's a Mommy Minion now lol
Last night I got to go on a Mommy date with my BFF Moua. We went to see the movie The Conjuring. Holy Crap FREAKY!! Didn't help we were only 2 rows from the screen lol
It had a good easy to follow story line and even had a smaller offshoot story.
It was well acted and actually kinda believable.
I would recommend it to anyone that likes the Spooky and Supernatural.
We finished the night by meeting with HB and Kai at Perkins for a late dinner. I LOVE their Build Your Own Omelet :)
It was so nice and relaxing getting a short break from Kai and enjoying some adult interactions but by the end I missed my Munchkin.
1. We don't go out much. We're homebodies and stopped partying when we decided to become parents. We'd rather spend time together. We go out once a year for our Birthdays. They are only 3 weeks apart so we do it together.
2. I feel like I'm missing a limb without her and I usually enjoy taking her places. Everyone has a day where they would rather not take their child shopping or on other errands with them.
3. I don't really have anyone I trust to babysit besides my parents and In laws (they live in a different town). My Dad still works and my mom has health problems. Plus I know they have lives outside of me and my family.
4. We like doing things as a family. When we actually have the time to. We took Kai to see Despicable Me 2 yesterday. SO CUTE! I love the Minions. Kai says she's a Mommy Minion now lol
Last night I got to go on a Mommy date with my BFF Moua. We went to see the movie The Conjuring. Holy Crap FREAKY!! Didn't help we were only 2 rows from the screen lol
It had a good easy to follow story line and even had a smaller offshoot story.
It was well acted and actually kinda believable.
I would recommend it to anyone that likes the Spooky and Supernatural.
We finished the night by meeting with HB and Kai at Perkins for a late dinner. I LOVE their Build Your Own Omelet :)
It was so nice and relaxing getting a short break from Kai and enjoying some adult interactions but by the end I missed my Munchkin.
Our Announcement
We finally announced our pregnancy to the FB world yesterday. I was kinda nervous because I just wasn't sure what to expect as a reaction!
I am stunned by how many congratulations and happiness we received (via comments) We made sure we told our families first because that's no way for your parents to find out you're pregnant is from Face Book.
Kai was so excited to help make our announcement and was thrilled to wear her Big Sister shirt.
She says she still wants a little sister and honestly I think this is another girl. My face is breaking out which also happened with Kai. All my friends that had boys didn't have any acne. We really want another girl so here's hoping!
I am stunned by how many congratulations and happiness we received (via comments) We made sure we told our families first because that's no way for your parents to find out you're pregnant is from Face Book.
Kai was so excited to help make our announcement and was thrilled to wear her Big Sister shirt.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
It just went "click"
We've been struggling with potty training for over a year! O.o
Nothing worked with Kai. I read countless Blogs and parenting articles trying all the tricks. I made 2 potty charts got her special stickers for them, special treats, special Hello Kitty underwear that she picked, we tried naked training, putting the potty in the living room, even talked to her Pediatrician (he was no help) and finally threw our hands up and bought Pull Ups though we bought the Target Brand. They worked great and they're not as expensive. Plus Kai loved the Fairies and Unicorns on the girls pull ups.
2 days ago it suddenly just "clicked" with Kai and now she's been going on the potty with no problem. She's only had 2 accidents, 1 when she caught a shiver from the AC and the other when she was waking up from her nap.
I am beyond proud of her except for one little thing... She keeps trying to play in the potty after she flushes it! Like OMG EW!!!
We went through this a while ago when she was first discovering the potty. I thought we had broken her of playing in the potty.
Now she's getting mad at me because I don't trust her in the bathroom alone >.<
Oh well I'm sure things will even out soon.
She told me today that she wants to be a good big sister so that's why she's going in the big potty. Awwwww
Plus she is super excited to start 4K this fall. She has been dying to go to school since Daddy start back to college in April.
She's growing up so fast but I'm so proud of her! :') I know with a new baby coming this is a good thing but I'm still sad to see my baby growing up.
Nothing worked with Kai. I read countless Blogs and parenting articles trying all the tricks. I made 2 potty charts got her special stickers for them, special treats, special Hello Kitty underwear that she picked, we tried naked training, putting the potty in the living room, even talked to her Pediatrician (he was no help) and finally threw our hands up and bought Pull Ups though we bought the Target Brand. They worked great and they're not as expensive. Plus Kai loved the Fairies and Unicorns on the girls pull ups.
2 days ago it suddenly just "clicked" with Kai and now she's been going on the potty with no problem. She's only had 2 accidents, 1 when she caught a shiver from the AC and the other when she was waking up from her nap.
I am beyond proud of her except for one little thing... She keeps trying to play in the potty after she flushes it! Like OMG EW!!!
We went through this a while ago when she was first discovering the potty. I thought we had broken her of playing in the potty.
Now she's getting mad at me because I don't trust her in the bathroom alone >.<
Oh well I'm sure things will even out soon.
She told me today that she wants to be a good big sister so that's why she's going in the big potty. Awwwww
Plus she is super excited to start 4K this fall. She has been dying to go to school since Daddy start back to college in April.
She's growing up so fast but I'm so proud of her! :') I know with a new baby coming this is a good thing but I'm still sad to see my baby growing up.
Monday, July 15, 2013
How did I forget this!
Kai is only going to be 4 next month. I don't know how I forgot how cruddy I would feel in the first trimester.
I had completely forgotten about the nausea, the insane increase in my sense of smell (I feel like a blood hound lol), the crazy hormonal roller coaster,and being so tired!
What really gets me is the nausea isn't constant now but I think my eating little meals helps.
Kai is going to be a great big sister.
Kai is super excited and says she wants a baby sister. I have this gut feeling that its another girl which would be awesome because that's what we both want.
Kai is a little confused about how the baby got in my tummy. Here's our convo about it...
My mom:" Kai are you excited about the baby?"
Kai:" Yeah! When is she getting here?"
My mom:" Well not for a while..."
Kai:"Where is she?"
My mom:"In Mommy's tummy for right now."
Kai spins around to look at me eyes huge "Oh my gosh Mommy! Did you eat the baby!!"
Me (laughing):" No I didn't eat the baby. Daddy helped put her there."
She waited til we got home to see Daddy and ran up to him and yelled "Thats a naughty Daddy putting a baby in Mommies tummy!!"
I don't think I've seen him laugh so hard in a long time.
I can't wait to see her face when she hears the heartbeat at my Drs appointment :)
I had completely forgotten about the nausea, the insane increase in my sense of smell (I feel like a blood hound lol), the crazy hormonal roller coaster,and being so tired!
What really gets me is the nausea isn't constant now but I think my eating little meals helps.
Kai is going to be a great big sister.
Kai is super excited and says she wants a baby sister. I have this gut feeling that its another girl which would be awesome because that's what we both want.
Kai is a little confused about how the baby got in my tummy. Here's our convo about it...
My mom:" Kai are you excited about the baby?"
Kai:" Yeah! When is she getting here?"
My mom:" Well not for a while..."
Kai:"Where is she?"
My mom:"In Mommy's tummy for right now."
Kai spins around to look at me eyes huge "Oh my gosh Mommy! Did you eat the baby!!"
Me (laughing):" No I didn't eat the baby. Daddy helped put her there."
She waited til we got home to see Daddy and ran up to him and yelled "Thats a naughty Daddy putting a baby in Mommies tummy!!"
I don't think I've seen him laugh so hard in a long time.
I can't wait to see her face when she hears the heartbeat at my Drs appointment :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)